Scene #2: INT. FAITH SUMMERS PENTHOUSE -- KITCHEN -- AFTERNOON
Archer, hair in uncharacteristic mess, wears only black, wrinkled turtleneck, rubs sleep from his eyes. He sighs, licks lips. His face lights up after he sees the enormous designer Miele fridge.
"Oh sweet Jesus, island of chilled liquid refreshment, let there be tomato juice and spicy Bloody Mary mix and preferably celery. Olives would be nice but not a necessity."
He shuffles towards the fridge-freezer combination, which is built into the stainless steel wall. A liquor cabinet stands just to the left of the fridge-freezer combo.
"The main thing is the liquor cabinet is --"
Archer opens the door. It's empty except for two liters of non-alcoholic sparkling wine. Archer screams like he's been stabbed or shot.
"Almost empty and completely empty of the important stuff. What the shit, rich, hot lady?!"
Faith, a flimsy, nearly transparent white nighty, rushes into the kitchen.
"Oh my God, Hon', what's wrong?"
"I hate to break this to you, ah, um, incredibly hot and talented-in-the-sack lady whose name escapes me because of that last Green Russian, well and all the prior God only knows how many Green Russians I had last night."
"Faith Summers."
"Really? I would have figured you to be more of a Candy or Barbie, maybe Veronica. You know, as in Dean but half as old and a jillion times hornier."
She laughs seductively.
"Thanks but I'm Faith. And I have faith --"
"I put my faith in science and technology and rational philosophy."
"Let me finish, Darling. I was about to say I have faith you will finish explaining why you screamed."
"Oh yeah. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, Faith Summers, you have been burgled. You've also been buggered by yours truly but presumably while being buggered you were also burgled."
"Oh, so it didn't happen while you were down here by yourself? Good, I'm glad to know you weren't injured or anything like that."
"No, no, nothing like that. I didn't see it happen but some black-hearted, cruel and twisted SOB stole all your liquor. You know, your joy juice. Your fun liquids. I mean not your really fun liquid. Which by the way, some of which has soaked into my TactileNeck here."
He sniffs his shirt.
"Not that I'm complaining."
Faith laughs.
"No one stole my liquor, silly. Don't you remember? No, of course you don't. Those damn Green Russians rare their horrible heads once again."
She strolls over, shrugs off the nighty. Archer's eyes light up.
"At the club I told you I'd sobered up and that even though the odds were greatly against it, I hung out at the nightclub hoping to meet a man who either had given up boozing or would be willing to sober up in return for being with a woman of and named Faith."
"Oh. So why did I come home with you? I mean I was like five Green Russians to the wind, or something like that so I couldn't have been farther from sobriety."
"True but you did promise to, after this one last drunk, stop boozing and drugging so we can have a chance at love."
Archer stares at her like she just changed into a five-headed squid-like alien.
""And I said this out loud?"
"Yes, my darling."
She grabs him, plants a deep, long kiss on his lips, and the sticks her tongue into his mouth. Faith grabs his bare ass, forces their crotches together.
"I'd like to say it's all coming back to me now but it so isn't. But the mind-blowing, marathon bedroom session is, not crystal clear but pretty darned close. And I will have to trust you on that other part. You know, have faith."
"Exactly, Archer dear. Enough talk. Let's get out my hardcopy Kama Sutra and see which one to tackle next."
"So there's not one bottle of booze anywhere in this huge, lovely penthouse?'
"No, Honey. Now come to the bedroom. Mama wants to get the shaft."
"Well okay but, so you don't have like a stash somewhere in the bedroom?"
"Nope,' Faith says.
"So no booze, like ever?"
She grabs him by the hand and they walk bare assed out of the kitchen.
"None whatsoever."
"My god, how do people live that way?"
"You're going to love it. In time."
###
Next up: Archer sees God without using any of Krieger's special pills.
No comments:
Post a Comment