I am one of the show's biggest fans. I have watched every episode multiple times. I have written movie scripts but so far, they are, alas, thus far unproduced. But I have a great feeling about this one (spoiler alert: every writer says that about their new project).Just spit balling here, thinking out loud on my phone, about a title. I want readers to send me feedback on these:
- Archer: The Movie
- Archer Saves the World
- Archer & the Figgis Agency Save the World
NOTE. For better readability and ease of writing, I'm not going to use screenwriting format here.
Opening Scene:
An obviously drunken Archer and Pam stumble into a nightclub. AC-DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long", blares from sound system.
"You realize in this song 'shook' means intercourse, ah, you know, of a sexual nature," a slurring Archer tells Pam."
"No fucking shit, Mr. Holmes. I assumed it wasn't about a really, really long earthquake."
"Whata Saywe have another Green Russian?"
"If this has Absinthe, sure. Otherwise the Four Horses of the Apocalypse."
"Yes, that is a stellar choice for Plan B."
The two stagger towards the bar as the music and aggravated raised voices from bar partons provides the perfect cacophony for seriously drunken customers. Different colored lights strobe off the duo's faces. Archer waves down a young Latino bartender.
"We would like two Green Russians, please."
A female customer named FAITH SUMMERS -- late 20's, blonde, prodigious boobs, perfect butt and face, wears tight white, short skirt and white, sequined velvet blouse with plunging neckline -- swivels around to face Archer.
"Do you really need another drink? It appears you're already quite intoxicated, darling."
She puts an index finger on the top of his black TactileNeck, then slowly lowers it, stops at his navel.
"You know, alcohol reduces a man's sexual prowess while it increases his sexual desires. It is like the Peanuts cartoon where Lucy gets Charlie Brown all excited to kick the football but takes it away at the last second."
Archer gulps as he stares at her chest, then face.
"Okay, total-but- totally-hot-stranger, what's your name?"
"Faith."
"Oh my God, you're so splooshy," Pam says. "So is that Faith as in 'keep the Faith' or 'share the Faith'?"
Archer elbows Pam in the stomach."Geez, I was just asking. I'm only human."
"Before I sobered up, it was often the latter but now it's the former."
"Really?" Archer asks.
"Another interesting side effect of sobriety is my sex drive is, how did the doctor describe it, oh yes, off the charts."
"If you've sobered up, what are you doing in a place like this?" Archer asks.
She traces an imaginary circle around Archer's navel.
"I like the atmosphere and ah, you know, I'm hoping to find the right man. But since the man would have to be sober, or willing to become sober, it seems like a silly place to hang around at."
"You know, I've been thinking about quitting drinking lately. I mean polluting your body with the poison that is alcohol --"
Pam cracks up. Archer elbows her once more.
"I'm serious. Not many, well actually no one but me knows that. But it's true."
Bartender sets the Green Russians on the bar. Archer gazes longingly at them.
"Well there's no time like the present to --"
"Have one last drink before sobering up."
Archer grabs the drinks, gives Pam hers. Archer raises his glass.
"Alright, let's have a toast to sobriety."
"I'll toast it but I won't engage in it," says Pam.
Archer slams down his drink.Faith grabs his arm.
"Ready to get clean? By getting dirty? Over and over and over," Faith says.
"I believe that was the most rhetorical question in the history of rhetorical questions."
They leave the bar.
"If you change your mind about sharing the Faith', call me," Pam yells.
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